Monday, October 7, 2013

Five day water battle in Thailand

Songkran: a five day water festival of epic proportions in Thailand, the worlds greatest country. The city of Chiang Mai is about 1 million. During Songkran it doubles. Travelers have made a pilgrimage from all corners of our earth to this sacred Buddhist festival... 


TO DO BATTLE!



And TO PARTY!!!


Thank you to all the dope folks who did battle by my side with blaster, bailer or pumper and who helped cherish this amazing week of madness!!! It will go down as my most epic adventure ever. 


Hoi An and the clay flutes



Hoi An, a city that may have up to 500 tailors, and nearly every visitor increases their swag at least a little while they're here. I wasn't that keen on shopping but I happened to spy this coat I liked on the wall, so the girl sized me up right then and there and by the next day I was feelin fly.

We even rocked out to Gangnam style in the shop while she showed me pictures of her little kid. Reasons why I love Vietnamese people!


Pleased with my success, I pondered "in a place where I can get pretty much anything I want custom made, what is one thing I've always wanted?" Obviously Team Zissou fake adidas shoes.


Now let me tell ye a tale.

One night in Hoi An I was feeling alone. Traveling solo and all that, but I knew there is only one way to fix this problem. You must overcome your inhibitions and full on talk to some strangers and see what happens. Of course, alot of the time they are lamoes and you never talk to them again. But other times...


I decided to chill at the "eating and drinking area", my favourite place in Hoi An. There I encountered a group travelers - and I could sense the force was strong with them. I worked up the courage and sat down with them and it turned out they were pretty cool and we hit it off - by then the beer was flowing and many good times laid ahead!

The crew

One night, a lady came selling these clay animals that are flutes. After 3 evenings of trying to sell them to us without success, Dave from Holland finally said "I'll buy all of them!" 


If ever we were in need, we would simply blow our flute and our companions would rush to our aid.



That night we all went out to the Why Not Bar and many flute-choruses were heard through the night in celebration of this great life. 
This is how Germans party

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

A cave, a marmot, and a mountain


This weekend, Angela and I went spulunking in an ancient cave, saw one of the world's rarest mammals, and summitted two epic peaks.

Because that is just how we do.

This tight squeeze would have promised Gimli's girdle with a challenge
We bravely descended further into the abyss
When we broke out into the sunlight, on thing was on our mind - Marmots  - and their complete and utter visual slaughter.

With the help of Lena's pinpoint directions, we located a Marmot after 1 hour of searching
We rejoiced! We had just seen one of the world's rarest animals - there are only about 350 left! The Vancouver Island Marmot stunned us with it's beauty (see "Concerning Marmots").

Then we entered the Forbidden Plateau,  and set our sights on 2093m Mt. Albert Edward.

The path was set toward our goal
We scoured the tundra for Ptarmigans - yet again, none were found

FOR FRODO!
Then there was a decision: should we head back and make it a 31 km round trip as planned, or should we opt for the extra 10km scenic loop? Ange did not even hesitate. But it quickly became more challenging - and more epic - than we had anticipated.



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


With blistered feet and crushed ankles and knees - we hiked the last 10 km in a frantic frenzy to reach the parking lot - then we saw it. 41 knee busting kilometers - we made it!


Monday, August 26, 2013

Concerning Marmots

Mountain Marmots
Vigilant Rodents
Round and furry friends
On an alpine slope

If Hobbits were animals, they would be marmots. Being short-limbed and stout, they are not known for their speed or strength. Their virtue lies in their character. That they also dwell in subterranean villages lends them further similarity.

Isolated on mountain tops by ancient glaciers, three species of marmot have evolved three distinct colors. I visited three mountain ranges to hunt them, like the Pokemons.

To Mount Washington, Vancouver Island, where we scanned the rocky hillsides for these ever-vigilant rodents. Our subject did not allow close approach. One cannot be to careful when viewed as a walking steak by all beasts with tooth or talon.
The sentinel
There are only 350 Vancouver Island Marmots left because they are so delicious
The Hoary Marmot waddles across the slopes of the Cascades, filling his gullet with grass and herb, and minding his surroundings for predators. When he detects a menace, his whistle is heard across the slopes and valleys, a warning to his comrades to head for the hills!

video

The Hoary Marmot got its name because it is considered sexually promiscuous
In the Olympic, there dwells the Olympic Marmot. We located an entire village of them. Why are they so successful in their isolated range, while the Vancouver Island Marmot constantly fails?

Ever vigilant
The Olympic Marmot received a gold medal for being one of the best-looking rodents alive
A loyal rodent stands guard in his misty domain
A marmot Barron surveys his lands for females to attract, and sub-par males to evict
A further note: marmots have little in the way of legs. They waddle from burrow to burrow, sending ripples of fat and fur down their body - a majestic sight in the morning sun.


Sunday, July 21, 2013

Doin' it Right

To celebrate unexpected freedom from the duties of life, Gimli and I jouneyed to Jasper National Park. With only 3 days to spare, we needed to chose our trail carefully in order to maximize rage potential. On the advice of Jasper native George SW, we headed to the Tonquin Valley, hoping to see the elusive 25 cent beast. 

First, preparations. Dom quested to Cooper's for provisions. Seeing as great minds think alike, we both had taken advantage of a buy 4 special on Lipton's Sidekicks.

Remarkably, all except two were a different flavour
We set out with high spirits!
Our 46 km quest was for Woodland Caribou and Grizzlies. Instead, we found many thousands of mosquitoes. 

The mosquitoes were in full-on rape mode as Dom attempted to urinate
Despite the lack of animals, the scenery...(note the mosquito photo-bomb)
Despite these winged freaks violating our very manhood with their probing probosces, they were not the most terrifying threat to my survival - sleeping in tent with Dom where the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. I was faced with a choice: sacrifice my flesh to the hordes outside, or risk severe permanent lung damage inside Dom's tent...

To cleanse my skin of the stench, a creek bath was in order
Cleanliness is next to godliness
We scoured the tundra, but the White-tailed Ptarmigans eluded us as always
During the 46 km trek, our conversations explored various topics. One question I asked was: are businessmen happy? If they are always thinking about profits and moneymaking, how can they be happy? Even the most absurd things can occupy businessmen who will fill any number of niches if there is money to be made. Like start a webcam site (there is a niche for people who want to be viewed naked, then there is an opportunity for companies' adds to be viewed by the pervs that view the sites. And presumably, after unwittingly glancing at these adds for a few seconds in between bouts of creeping naked girls, they will subconsciously want to spend money on the products being advertised (or possibly view a different webcam site, which has adds for another one, and so on...).

En tout cas, we both agreed we would rather have any job than marketing. We would rather do anything that would actually help society no matter what it is, such as a gynecologist or anal surgeon.

Riders passed by here not 1 week ago
Crossing paths with a band of roving Rohirrim, we sought tidings. "Have you seen two Hobbits?" I asked. They stared at me blankly, very confused. "Halflings, only half your size..." Hopeless trying to make people get LOTR references...

"What business to two roving birders have in these lands?"
I fed my soul with rock, spruce and sky
Our new thing: posing nude in front of epic mountains, lakes and rivers
Then, it was time to drive home. But whilst we were cruising through Banff, we received due compensation for our wildlife-devoid trek: GRIZZLY BEARS!!!

The mother kept a close eye on her two cubs and the creepoes photographing them from the roadside

All we can decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. So we continue to wander these lands: two roving biologists in search of our destiny....which will forever involve DOING IT RIGHT!

A Mountain Retreat

I couldn't stop thinking about a beautiful woman.

To remedy myself of this ailment, I turned to John Muir's ghost for advice. As always, he recommended a healthy dose of Mountain climbing.

I've had my eye on Cartier Mountain for some time. 2000 vertical meters, 17 km each way. This should clear my mind!

There were no Grizzlies nor Goats, just this Spruce Hen and her chicks to keep me company. 
Looking unto the peak, I was terrified
Two feet between the cliff, and death
I awoke in my cabin the next morning to find the entire mountain shrouded in mist, with freezing rain pelting the roof. I was stranded! I would have to wait for the storm to pass
When the storm finally passed, I looked unto the lands beyond with wonder
A precarious perch on top of Cartier Summit before the knee-busting 17 km trip back down
 AH THE SWEET NECTAR OF LIFE!!!